Links are printed in red
Quotations are printed in green
CONTENTS
Three poulakia (little birds) were born in a nest
at the top of a propane tank.
One day I see three eggs,
the second day I see one poulaki,
the third day I see a second poulaki,
and the fourth day I see a third poulaki.
The poulakia shown in the picture
are two-weeks old.
contents
THE DILOGARITHM AND OTHER POEMS
If you are curious, adventurous, or both,
you may want to take a look at
The Dilogarithm and other Poems.
Some of these poems were written
with a musical melody in mind.
I rate these poems as mediocre at best,
except for a poem entitled
"Land of abandoned dreams'',
which I do not have the heart to downgrade.
Land of abandoned dreams They drifted in rough waters and ended up ashore at the land of abandoned dreams They walked through the woods and recognized their own dreams in the shape of a weeping tree with broken branches surrounded by thick brush and thorny weeds Other trees were severely damaged and some had not survived the long droughts and punishing winds There were plenty of Joshua trees, reaching for the sky Unsmiling and muted they made their way to the nearest villageThe first poem entitled "Yogurt and bread" and the last poem entitled "Tribute to my mom" are dedicated to my mom who was a superior human being.
Yogurt and bread She was entering a grocery store when a boy approached: "Thia mou (my aunt) I am hungry, my stomach is hurting, would you please get me something to eat" "Come with me into the store and you can pick up whatever you wish," instinctively she replied The boy picked up some bread and she offered to buy him chocolate bars and hunks of cheese "I only want yogurt to fill me up" the boy replied They walked outside and she looked over her shoulder to see what the boy was going to do He sat under a tree and wolfed down the yogurt and breadBoth poems were inspired by real-life incidences.
Tribute to my mom Budgets of trillions net worths of billions and astronomical financial gains Could you please spare a couple of euros to reimburse her for buying a tsoureki for this retiree who has not eaten in three day and is too proud to ask?My mom spent her entire life serving, loving, and comforting others. She never asked for anything and got little back in return. She never-ever raised her voice to anybody. Fly high in heaven mom. If you like any of these poems, read them to your lover, partner, spouse, child, friend, parent, dentist, auto mechanic, pet, or anyone else you like. If you play a musical instrument, see if you can turn a poem into a song. However, I should warn you that, unless your name is Bob Dylan, Paul Simon, or Jackson Browne, this is easier said than done: there is a significant difference between a poet and a lyricist. Some talented artists are both. Listen to the lyrics of the song "Graceland" by Paul Simon; then listen to them again; and again, and again. Every time you listen, you get a new insight into the soul of a heartbroken man who cannot escape his sorrow. His thoughts drift into grief, then he pulls back because he is going to Graceland, grief emerges again, then Graceland surfaces again, then images of his wife flash through his mind. Graceland is the place where you dispose of your grief. Paul Simon says that we will all be received in Graceland. With all due respect, I have some doubts. Some things hurt immensely, and you have to sit with the hurt, the grief, and the sadness. for a long time and possibly forever; forever young. Good people become better as they age. As most of you, I have become a better person and more compassionate over the years, and this is reflected in some of the Dilogarithm poems. In the words of Bob Dylan in the song "My back pages": "Ah, I was so much older then, I am younger than that now." Every time I leave the farm and interact with people, I make a point to do something good for someone. When I go the gas station, I prepay in cash a few dollars more than I need, and let the cashier know they can keep the remainder as a tip. My favorite cashiers are Cheyenne and Sarika. Without hesitation and in all honesty, I would sacrifice my life for that of a random younger non-toxic stranger. When I seem to lose my spirits, I recite my favorite mantra: "And what is good, Phaedrus, And what is not good -- Need we ask anyone to tell us these things? " When queried for "The dilogarithm and other poems", the google Artificial Intelligence engine returns the following opinion among other things: "It's possible that the title "The Dilogarithm and Other Poems" could be a creative or speculative title, perhaps drawing a connection between the mathematical function and the poetic arts." This opinion is not wrong. The poem "The dilogarithm" makes reference to mathematician Grigori Yakovlevich Perelman whose vast intelligence would make hard mathematics problems I tried (and failed) to solve seem trivial in his mind. Grigori Yakovlevich Perelman is a reference point for scientific integrity. contents THE DEER HUNTER My heart dropped when I saw a vulture landing in the middle of field number two Then I noticed the small bump Please don't let this be true Tears started streaming down my face; I thought there was none left I rode the tractor yelling and screaming for the vulture to leave It was the decapitated head of a precious fawn She died when she was a few months old My beloved pair of geese got spooked gathered up their two chicks and got out of sight I saw them again wearily floating in the pond near the house I did not see the mother deer for a few days When I finally saw her, she was thin and distressed grazing by the pond and looking famished
Here is a sweet rizitika song entitled "Agrimia k'agrimakia mou" dedicated to the precious fawn:
My precious wildling My wild creatures My wildling My sweet deer Where are your lands Where are your winter dwellings The cliffs are our lands The huts are our winter dwellings The small hill caves are our homecontents THE LAST ANSER ERYTHROPUS We read in Wikipedia that: "The lesser white-fronted goose (Anser Erythropus) is a goose closely related to the larger greater white-fronted goose (A. albifrons). It breeds in the northernmost Palearctic, but it is a scarce breeder in Europe, with a reintroduction attempt in Fennoscandia." In Greece, this goose is known as "nanohina" (tiny goose). Nanohina is a precious bird and an endangered species.
There is a heart wrenching movie
by Pantelis Voulgaris entitled
"I teleftaia nanohina"
(the last nanohina.)
In fact,
"I teleftaia nanohina"
is the third part of a threefold movie entitled
"ola einai dromos" (it's a long road.)
The entire
movie
is available on Utube.
The main actor in the last nanohina part
is Thanasis Veggos who plays the role
of a retired but not resigned gamekeeper (thyrofylakas)
in the Evros river, Greece,
named Phaedrus.
The unthinkable happens when an unscrupulous hunter
shoots the last nanohina.
Veggos was as brilliant and sweet in real life
as he was on stage and on screen.
In case you wonder about my appearance,
I look like Veggos' character in the movie,
unshaven for weeks at a time
with severe erosion on my face,
makeshift haircuts,
and a sad expression in my eyes.
The good news is that the horses across the street
and other neighbors
do not seem to mind.
Most people I meet these days
have a sad expression in their eyes.
It breaks my heart when I see
"room wanted" postings on the Internet from young
women and men mentioning that they will
be accompanied part time by their young children.
The posters typically include a selfie
with a forced smile
and a sad expression in their eyes.
Ordinary humans have the unique ability
to mislead and hurt each other.
With business transactions, everything is clear
and spelled out
in advance.
You pay, and you get a service or product.
You want inexpensive items, you visit Walmart,
you choose, you pay, and you are done.
With animals, their wants, needs, and fears are also clear.
With humans, it is hardly clear if someone is nice
because of mental tenderness or else something
is expected or demanded in return.
There is a self-serving process running
like a software daemon
at the back of most people's minds.
It would have been straightforward if human relations,
including those between parents, children, siblings,
and spouses
operated on an advanced business model.
In fact, arranged marriages operate
on a business model,
but the model is fundamentally flawed.
With rare exceptions,
when someone did something nice for me,
they expected something in return.
In extreme cases, the person brought up
an imaginary rule of reciprocity
that I am supposed to honor
without my consent.
At one instance, a family member offered me
a significant sum of money
as a gift, which I refused to accept because I know
there would be payback time.
John Deere tractors come as
gasers or Diesels; I have one of each.
As I was driving to get gas for the gaser,
I saw the police arresting a young man
outside a delapidated residence,
while his young son was hugging him
tightly and would not let go.
I doubt that the police officers enjoyed their job.
We all live in bubbles that we have made for ourselves
oblivious to the suffering of others.
The first part of the "It's a long road" movie
portrays the grief of a father
whose son took his own life
while performing his duty as a sentry
in the Greek army.
When my older brother was in the army,
he developed a condition that required
surgery at the VA hospital.
My parents and I visited him after surgery.
In the bed next to my brother
there was a "palikaraki" (good looking young man)
whose head was wrapped in bandages.
He was not visited by anybody
and I frivolously tried to make small talk
and ask about his condition.
My wise brother immediately signaled
me to be quiet (STFU).
My dear palikaraki,
I hope your daemons are gone.
contents
HAVE A COOKIE
In Theo Angelopoulos' movie
"Ulysses Gaze",
Veggos plays the role of a taxi driver
who takes a longing Greek-rooted foreigner
acted by Harvey Keitel
to the northern border.
There is a heart wrenching
scene
that you must know the Greek language natively
to appreciate.
At the end of this scene,
Veggos addresses nature in a snowstorm
on a ledge:
"Mwri physi, moni sou eisai esi,
monos mou eimai kai gw,
pare ena biskoto."
A fair translation where the word "Mwri"
is approximated crudely is:
"Hey nature, you are all alone by yourself,
I am all alone by myself too,
Have a cookie."
Then he tosses a cookie into the cliff from the ledge
as a treat to a friend.
You can hear the despair in Veggos' voice.
In many ways,
this is the most existentially profound line
I have ever heard.
It encapsulates man's union with Nature, God,
and the Universe down to its core.
It expresses man's fundamental loneliness
that can only be compared to that of Nature.
I can see truck drivers, everyday commuters,
school bus drivers, and others rolling down
their windows and screaming
this line in heat waves, tornadoes, and snowstorms.
I can see random people shouting this line
at times of personal despair.
I have yelled out this line
and offered appeasement to Nature
while clearing my long driveway
with a broken back in excruciating pain
in severe snowstorms.
Nature heard me and went easy on me;
I survived.
Even if she didn't, it would have been okay.
Nature and the Universe have no one to
provide assistance and comfort to them.
They struggle on their own without a narrative
and must fend for themselves
under makeshift rules and laws.
With rare exceptions, mankind is not nature's friend.
Even though the height of earth's atmosphere
is shockingly small, and thus fragile,
mankind do all they can to tip the natural balance
for their profit
with unknown short- and long-term consequences.
The Space is now regarded as a tourist destination
for the rich.
Some places are not meant to be visited, exploited, or explored.
Some places and institutions should be sacred.
Why would someone enter the pyramids?
Why would someone want to interfere with a monolith?
How does anyone know that there is not a secret switch,
and flipping the switch makes the Universe
or our perception of it disappear?
What if our collective lives are a holographic dream?
We know that the speed of light is a critical
threshold for our perception of time.
Who would have known that speed affects time?
Respect and be aware of the divine and the unknown.
For English subtitles, see
this clip.
In the comments of this clip, Giwrgos Arvanitis
writes the following:
"We were filming Thodwros Angelopoulos'
movie "O thiasos (The Travelling Players)".
We had left Grevanna and were heading toward Aigio.
Make up artist Giwrgos Starakakis was riding in my car.
While driving through Katara which was all white
from the snow,
Giwrgos retrieved
and started eating a package of cookies.
All of a sudden, he opens the window
on the passenger side,
leans out from the window,
lets out a heartbreaking howl,
and screams:
Mwri physi, moni sou eisai,
monos mou eimai kai gw,
pare ena biskoto!...
I was shaken to my core.
When we made it to Aigio,
I said to Angelopoulos:
Thodwre, this is what happened.
Thodwros Angelopoulos then turned this
incidence into a movie scene,
this heartbreaking scene with Veggos and Keitel
in Ulysses Gaze.
"
I consider this spontaneous act by Giwrgos Starakakis
You can see a magnificent horse barn
owned and managed by a remarkable young woman
across the road.
I named the parents Phaedrus and Phaedra.
Unbeknown to them,
I have engaged in frequent discussions
with Phaedrus and Phaedra
on practical, scientific, and philosophical matters:
"And what is good, Phaedra,
And what is not good --
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?
"
Pheadra signals her neck in the negative
and smiles affectionately.
At some point, two tiny goslings appeared.
Phaedrus and Phaedra
will not leave
the little ones out of their sight.
When out of boredom the family walks across
the state road, traffic is halted
in the absence of a traffic-flag person.
On a couple of occasions, I signaled the drivers
to be aware of the geese.
I have seen eighteen-wheelers,
school buses, large SUVs, full-size trucks,
sanitation trucks, bicycles and motorcycles
wait in line for the geese to cross.
The family has developed some affection for me.
They run to greet me when they see me
across the road.
I take care of them by mowing their grounds
so that they can sit and eat
and have entry points to the pond.
The other day I was not feeling well
and I stayed in bed all day.
At about noon, I hear some noise
on the porch.
The geese and the goslings had come to check on me
and make sure I am okay.
The little ones have grown significantly
in a few weeks time and are reaching the point
where they will be able to fly soon.
I now find geese feathers all over the place.
Geese molt their flight feathers in the summer
so that they can have a full, brand-new set for migration.
While they are molting, geese are grounded and cannot fly.
To teach them how to fly,
the parents lead their children up the
steep long paved driveway,
about a thousand feet (three hundred meters).
Then they turn around
and start a sequence of exploratory
take offs down the driveway.
It does not take long for the whole
family to be able to fly over the pond
and they can land safely on the water.
Believe me when I say that to watch them land
with immense grace is an eye-watering experience.
I have seen children, adults, and dogs
sticking their heads out of car windows
to watch the landing in amazement.
It will be a bitter-sweet day
when the little ones learn how to fly,
for the entire family will fly away soon.
I wish I were able to fly so that I can join them.
However, I doubt that they would allow
an old, overweight, and uninteresting person to be with them.
The geese will remember that the farm
is their family home
and will visit again in a year's time.
Perhaps I will be around to see them again.
I hope they will bring back from Canada
some tariff-exempted gifts.
A few days ago I got a bad premonition
while trying to sleep at 8:30 pm.
I got up and drove the gaser John Deere
in the middle of a thunderstorm
in search of the geese.
I found them happily floating in the pond.
False alarm.
You may think I am going mad,
but you would be wrong,
Last year, I found the remains of father goose
on the side of the road early in the morning.
The burial process using the front-end loader
of my Massey Ferguson tractor
was heart wrenching.
This year I had to bury a small deer
struck by a driver on the side
of the state road.
The horses across the road don't mind the geese.
Horses are funny animals.
They have been scoping the hill
from across the road
for a long time,
wondering what lies upstream.
When they found an opening,
they made a run for it early in the morning.
Once their curiosity was satisfied
(nothing to see here)
they returned to their upscale quarters
across the road.
Recently, another group of three geese
landed on the pond.
Based on evidence I have collected,
I assessed that one is the mother and two are children.
The father is missing.
The group of three seems skittish.
The mother walks with a noticeable limp like me,
but seems to be able to fly and swim without a problem.
I am afraid that this family got involved
in a fight where the father lost his life
and the mother was hurt.
I hope she recovers soon.
At the beginning of August,
a large group of geese arrived
and have been staying for a week.
Theoriginal two groups stay separate,
but I have a feeling that they will join them
when they fly away.
Such sweet creatures they are these geese.
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VANISHED
Recently in the Giant grocery store I run across
a beautiful African-American woman
in a wheelchair.
What struck me about her was that she
had an aura and radiated a diffuse glow.
She seemed like one of the
kindest people I have ever met.
If I believed in angels
I would say she was one of them.
I asked if I can help her reach something,
she smiled and told me that
she is seventy-two years old
and is looking for some lipstick
to make her feel younger.
I told her truthfully that she does not look
a day over fifty.
She smiled again mysteriously,
and replied that I will also
live to be seventy-two.
When I turned to look at her again,
she had vanished.
Seriously, she had vanished.
Perhaps she was hiding behind
some stocked items,
but I don't think so.
The whole event seemed out of this world,
dissociative and sureal.
The wheelchair made sense
in light of my impaired mobility.
I have not been able to figure out
the meaning of the lipstick.
I do expect to expire at the age of seventy-two
in a few years.
Every time I return to the store
I look in vain for this remarkable woman.
A Reddit user writes:
"I've seen some people in my life
that seemed to radiate light --
a white light sort of an aura,
interesting thing,
I was with my friends and my father
when I met these people and they
all saw the same thing as well!!!!!
They were quite regular people: a substitute teacher,
a waiter in a cafe, etc ...
but that light was real! What does it mean?
Are these people spiritually gifted?
What is it? Before I could even mention the
fact this person radiate a light
my friend said the same exact
thing which confirms it's real.
"
contents
POTE VOUDAS POTE KOUDAS
Most people have been betrayed at least once
in their lifetime.
I was betrayed when I was seven years old
by a childhood friend,
and then again at regular time intervals
by others.
For the record, I forgive and wish well
to those who have betrayed me.
I understand human nature and hold no grudges.
Someone said:
"(With betrayal) it is not the knife
in your back that hurts.
What hurts is how you feel
when you turn around and see
who is holding the knife."
Jordan Peterson said:
"When you love someone,
you give them a huge piece of yourself;
when they betray you, they take it with them.
That's why you feel hollow and incomplete."
Michael Corleone from the Godfather said:
"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it
never comes from your enemy"
Most people intentionally or inadvertently
have betrayed someone
in their life.
In a song entitled
"Pote Voudas (Buddha)
pote Koudas (a famous Greek soccer player)"
("Sometimes Buddha, Sometimes Koudas"),
poet Manolis Rasoulis (emphasis on the o and the u)
said that
"Sometimes we are Jesus,
Sometimes we are Judas".
When Judas betrayed Jesus, he did not realize
that Jesus could receive the capital punishment.
He thought that Jesus would escape,
as he always did with the help of his followers,
or else the alleged crimes would
be dismissed at best or prosecuted as a misdemeanor at worst.
Who would think that Jesus would be arrested,
convicted, and executed
for delivering a message based on love?
When Jesus was executed on the cross, Judas could not
live with himself, returned his reward to the authorities,
and unalived himself.
To balance their books, the authorities used
the money to buy a blood field.
Today they would have used the money
to build a parking lot
to serve a shopping center or condominiums.
Jesus had sensed the betrayal well ahead of time
but allowed it to occur anyway.
The reason is that fulfillment of time
(pleroma tou hronou) had come.
His mission on earth was accomplished.
I believe that animals and thoughtful people sense
when something fundamental
is about to occur
in their lives,
or else that Time (pleroma tou hronou) has come,
and start preparing themselves
for what is forthcoming.
The most intelligent people observe,
listen, and deduce, but stay quiet.
They often pretend they have not seen,
they have not heard,
and they don't know what is about to occur.
The best educators may notice that a student
is cheating during an exam, but say nothing.
At the end of the course, they have
a non-accusatory discussion with the student
regarding the paramount significance of personal integrity
and the life-long trauma inflicted by a moral lapse.
Punishment is neither appropriate nor necessary.
Emotional trauma is tricky.
It appears to dissipate after an event,
only to bubble up decades afterward triggered by
betrayal or other unrelated traumatic or hurtful events.
I have been a quiet person, though curious and inquisitive, all my life.
In the summers, I worked temporary jobs
of various kinds with diverse groups of people of different ages.
I worked as a laborer, an attorney's assistant,
a bus ticket collector, and an event attendant.
One summer I worked with an extremely
intelligent group of young people
who were wise beyond the norm and had a lot to say.
The were makeshift intellectuals.
I stayed quiet and listened,
essentially because I did not think I had
anything of added value to contribute.
My supervisor told me that he appreciated my quietness
and wished he was like me: only speak when you have
something important to say, and say it in a few words.
This is probably the highest compliment I have ever received.
There is an interesting radio program
out of Los Angeles, California,
entitled "Handel on the Law".
The host provides legal advice
in a way that is humiliating and deprecating
at times in the interest of levity.
In one episode, an older person called and stated:
"I have developed stage 4 cancer and I have three months
to live. I am thankful that I had a good life
and now I would like to put my affairs in order to
make it easy on my heirs."
A question then followed.
The host who normally responds with a clever
remark was at a loss for words and humor this time
and instinctively changed his tone from hilarious to somber.
Staring down your own mortality without
any cowardice seems to be one of the strongest
forms of bravery on display.
Betrayal of one's self can be even worse.
Several years ago I paid for a service in cash,
not that much money.
The receptionist put the money in their pocket
and I did not ask for a receipt.
I returned to the store upset when I received a bill
and made a fuss about it,
embarrassing the receptionist.
Thankfully, she was not fired.
My behavior was a huge instance of self-betrayal.
At the time, I was unable to understand that
people occasionally slip,
especially in dire circumstances.
I am ashamed and have frequent
nightmares about my behavior.
If the receptionist was fired,
I would have paid her a monthly allowance
for life.
In an attempt to redeem myself, I gave
a one-hundred dollar tip
to the staff of a store
when I learned that they
collect tips and use them
to buy themselves lunch as a group
once in a while.
My attempt was feeble, insufficient, and anemic.
I have so much shame regarding this and other
instances of self-betrayal.
Sometimes things happen so quickly
that you do not have time to react
in a thoughtful way.
Looking back, I may have committed
other more serious acts of betrayal
and self-betrayal.
I was young, scared, confused, and unaware
of the intensity of harm that words,
actions, and inactions can inflict on others.
I was alone in a new aggressive world
that I could hardly understand, let alone navigate.
I was bombarded by advice on how to become rich
and famous quick,
and I almost took this horrific advice.
It took me years to figure out whether
goodness and values are shared by my old
and new self:
"And what is good, Phaedrus,
And what is not good --
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?
"
contents
BETRAYAL TRAUMA
Maya Angelou said:
"People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but will never forget how you made them feel."
Just in case you happen to look down
upon sex workers,
you should know that, at some point,
Maya was one of them.
The insidious consequence of intentional betrayal
is that the trauma inflicted by it never heals,
even with therapy or the passage of time.
In fact, betrayal trauma
will be part of the end-of-life flashback,
carried through to the afterlife.
Some symptoms of betrayal trauma are:
confusion, guilt, self blame, shame, worthlessness,
alexithymia,
dissociation
(feeling that you are a spectator
in your own life),
loss of sense of time,
chronostasis,
feeling of abandonment by a higher power,
doubt that a higher power exists.
Like survivor's guilt and
post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
manifestations of betrayal trauma
can be triggered by objects, situations,
and other stimuli.
Just to be clear:
Unlike grief due to loss,
betrayal trauma never heals.
Do not betray yourself or others.
contents
REGRETS
An old man (older than me at the time)
approached the pharmacy counter
supported by his walker.
Here are your eye drops,
that will be 157.44 dollars.
He looked incredulous, muttered "no thanks",
and walked away.
I have so much regret that
I did not offer to pay for the eye drops.
A brilliant student of mine
became wheelchair bound
after unsuccessful spinal surgery.
I should have taken the time
and made the effort to help him financially
and provide support in this devastating time.
The fact that I did not to the extent I should,
will forever haunt me.
On the positive side,
I was told by more than one person
that I literally saved their life at low points
when they regarded me as a moral
point of reference.
Sometimes you are unaware of the
impact you have on others.
I arrived in America as a student
of engineering with the pure and sole
objective to learn.
Nothing else mattered.
When I became a professor,
I did not pay myself summer salary
in order to support my graduate students.
My colleagues thought I was nuts.
Things changed
when ambition and some degree
of arrogance and greed
entered my psyche by osmosis.
As soon as I realized a metamorphosis
by way of meta-cognition
at a relatively early stage,
I made a strong effort to revert to my pure self.
Though I did pay a professional price, I am so glad I did.
Phaedra encouraged me to take the path less taken.
Living in a world where money, appearance,
self-promotion, self-interest and recognition matter
more than anything else is not easy.
There is no corner on earth where you can escape
the relentless bombardment.
Even your own family and closest relatives demand that you act
in a way that serves their interests
and perceived social norms.
If you do not conform, you pay a dear price.
Your ability to think outside the box does not matter,
your set of principles do not matter.
your level of intelligence and skill does not matter,
fame, wealth, and ego are the great equalizers.
The truth is that the price that you pay
for staying true to your principles
does not matter, any price is worth it.
In
barricades of heaven,
Jackson Browne sings:
"You'd better bring your own redemption
when you come to the barricades of heaven."
In the same song,
Jackson Browne sings:
"Childhood comes for me at night
Voices of my friends
Your face bathing me in light
Hope that never ends."
Paraphrasing Jordan Peterson:
"Conscientious
people try to understand why things
go wrong in their lives.
However, analyzing so many events,
words, and experiences
over years or decades
creates the deep trauma of experiencing
eight million snakes
attacking you at the same time."
When my dear brother took me to Mount Athos
for a visit, we met at a monastery
a palikaraki who had just completed
his military duty in the Greek army.
Every piece of conversation with him
revolved around his life in the army.
The other travelers started making fun
of him in ways that he did not realize.
I picked up on the palikaraki's loneliness
and asked the fellow travelers to please
go easy on him, which they immediately did.
The point is that the fellow travelers
did not even realize what they were
doing was wrong.
When they did realize, they got visibly embarrassed
and treated the palikaraki with the respect he deserved.
In the same trip,
we met two young men who were
devout Christians of a certain denomination.
Every conversation with them involved
demeaning and condemning other denominations.
I mentioned to them after a while that
Christianity was founded on love and tolerance.
The point is that the young men
did not even realize what they were doing
was against their core belief.
When they did realize, they got remorseful
to the extent of praying for forgiveness
from the Lord.
Have you prayed for forgiveness lately?
contents
STUMPY
A Reddit user writes:
"There is a Simpsons episode
involving Stumpy the elephant.
At the end of the episode they
give Stumpy to an elephant sanctuary
and he starts head-butting the other elephants.
Bart asks why is he doing that?
And the keeper says something about
normal animal behavior and then says:
like people, some elephants are just jerks.''
There is a difference between
(a) acceptance, optimism, silver lining,
and (b) toxic positivity.
Things not always happen for a reason
and there is not always a lesson to be learned.
In fact, most things happen for no reason at all.
Some elephants are just jerks.
Accepting facts, occurrences, and situations,
and not searching for causes and reasons
is the essence of radical acceptance.
Some things happen, and no matter
how hard you try to explain,
you just can't and you shouldn't.
The reason or trigger can be one of a trillion things
internal or external to a person.
Why is a person cruel?
They don't even know.
Why is a person selfish?
They don't even know.
Why is a person toxic?
They don't even know.
Why is a person avoidant?
They don't even know.
Why is a person aggressive?
They don't even know.
Ali Ingersol
is an extremely intelligent
stunning young woman
leading a remarkable life
as a C6 (sixth cervical spine level)
quadriplegic.
Ali does not seem to suffer from toxic positivity.
She
writes:
''We push forward, but it (grief) lingers
in the background -- waiting to sneak up
and hit like a baseball bat.''
This observation explains
why the path to emotional recovery
is nonlinear.
You may think that you have accepted
your friend's death,
only to look at a sweater that he knit for you
and feel devastated.
Human emotions and associated responses
can be instantaneous or delayed.
Instantaneous emotions, such as affection, limerence,
frustration,
and anger are obvious.
Emotions are bundled in onion layers.
Anger is a surface level emotion;
behind it, there are always
far more complex emotions like shame and fear.
It's hard to tell what kind of delayed emotions
a person carries inside them.
Avoidant people bottle up delayed emotions
that emerge and explode at unpredictable times
at the expense of innocent bystandards.
contents
AT ALDI
Aldi is a wonderful unpretentious
bag-your-own-items food store.
Most items are inexpensive.
The employees are outstanding.
Recently, I stopped by Aldi to pick up a few items
including a cheap loaf of sliced bread,
some hot dogs, and pulped orange juice.
While waiting at the checkout line holding these items,
I noticed a young Latino man
holding in his hands precisely the same items.
I felt like giving him a hug
or at least shaking his hand.
His unsuspected comradery
made me feel so much less alone.
I like to look at old loving couples
as an elusive dream.
Recently at Aldi I saw an older woman
and her husband, both using walking canes.
She was beautiful and he was handsome.
I could not help myself and told her
"You look lovely together".
As a general rule,
I avoid conversations with strangers
just in case they think I am creep.
Phaedra gave me a big smile and said
"You should see us at home."
Then she said she is eighty-one
and has a metal rod implanted
along her femur.
Phaedrus also gave me a big smile and told
me he is eighty-four old
suffering from knee pain.
I saw them again at the parking lot as they were
loading their car and waived goodbye.
It was clear that they were very much in love.
There are a couple other occasions where
I made conversation with strangers.
One was at a Home Depot checkout line,
standing in front of a lovely middle-aged couple.
They gave me a visual cue that they would not
mind exchanging a few words.
I had picked a few mailbox numbers
and asked them how much they think they cost.
The wife said two dollars,
and I told her it was seven dollars each.
The husband said with a nice smile that when
he needs numbers, he collects them by visiting
mailboxes up and down his street.
The three of us seemed to very much enjoy the interaction.
Other occasions where
I made conversation with strangers
involve middle-aged and older couples.
I feel that the strangers involved sensed
that I am not a creep and reached out.
A few days ago I was going through
the checkout line at Aldi
and the cashier asked the obligatory "how are you?"
I always say "fine, thank you, how are you?"
and this time the young lady replied
with a trace of sorrow
"I am trying to stay busy".
All I could muster was "We all try to do that"
so that she does not feel alone.
By then, her thoughts had drifted to something remote.
I was filling my cart at Aldi
with bread and orange juice,
until I noticed that a youngish woman
with a lot of tattoos
was also putting items in my cart.
I was not sure how to respond
without appearing rude,
and stood by until she had
the chance to look at me.
At that point, she laughed
and said "I am sorry, I thought you were my boyfriend."
The boyfriend then appeared
from an aisle and I said jokingly
"we kind of look alike."
Afterward, I thought that what
I said might have been the ultimate insult,
but it was too late to apologize.
contents
INSIDE FOUR WALLS
I don't mind that I spend
my days and nights
inside four walls
All is quiet and simple
inside my walls
I leave my door open
so that creatures can visit
and say hello
especially when it's cold
I got visited by a squirrel,
a mouse,
bees,
spiders,
mosquitos,
flies,
and other creatures inside the four walls
I wish Phaedra had taught me
how to be quiet
and content in silence
earlier on
There is so much
confusion, noise, and hurt
outside my four walls
contents
FATHER KARRAS
There is a heart breaking Greek song
entitled
"tipota den paei hameno" (nothing is in vain)
by Manos Loizos (emphasis on the a and i)
and Manolis Rasoulis (emphasis on the o and u).
Here is another brilliant
performance.
The first two autobiographical verses read:
"After fifty hears of hardship and persecution
a dark illness lands on me,
an undeserving pay-back."
Manos Loizos died at the age of forty-four
in a Soviet hospital.
His sweet love song
paramythaki mou
(my little fairy tale)
can be heard
on the radio
in the movie "The Exorcist"
as Father Karras
is leaving his mother's house.
Like Christ, Father Karras
sacrificed himself to eradicate
an evil spirit.
Manolis Rasoulis died
at the age of sixty-five
alone in his apartment
in the neighborhood "Toumba"
of Thessaloniki, Greece.
When I was a child, my mom used to take us
to visit Toumba to spend time with
my favorite aunt Toula
and her delightful husband Kwstas.
Like most good people I have known,
Kwstas died young from the dark illness.
The song "Nothing is in vain"
continues on a positive note
to explain that even an undue pay-back
serves a purpose and will not be in vain.
I am not sure I agree.
Undoubtedly, it takes a special kind of person to accept a vague servitude in the face of suffering. Notice everyone's somber mood at 3:10 of the nothing is in vain video as the three performers sing the refrain: "Nothing is in vain in the life lost of me, I carry your dreams and desires inside of me." I, my mom, patients of hospitals, abandoned elderly people, and many others could talk about dark illnesses and undue pay-backs. Those with chronic pain, mental issues, incurrable disease, and those who have been betrayed by humans and institutions can assure us that suffering can be intolerable and overwhelming. Fly high in heaven beautiful Christina. contents TRANSFORMATIVE SUFFERING Reddit is an Internet forum platform. A Reddit user asked: "What personal experiences do you have with Buddhism? What confirms it to be true for you?" Another user replied: A transformation came at the worst time of my life. I was dumped by my long time girlfriend and experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. It was in the deepest depths of despair. But in the depths of darkness I still heard the voices of the Buddha and my Master. They told me that this is the Suffering. They told me to not run away from it but to turn and look at it, to sit and listen to it, to embrace and befriend it. So I wiped my tears, sat up, and sat with my pain. I let my pain soak into every fiber of my being. I looked at it and sought to understand it. I conversed with it. Then in one moment, I understood my suffering. I understood why and how and what my suffering was. This insight brought about a powerful and endless wave of compassion for myself. Like fresh water over a burning fire, it doused the fire of my pain and I felt a relief I've never felt before or since. The compassion was so much that I felt compassion for her too, and that changed the way I viewed her. I felt a new type of love for her that I never felt before. Why do I say they are transformations? Because as much as I seek to find, I could not find the pain and suffering I felt before. I was as surprised as anyone. As I spoke with her I tried to find the pain but I couldn't. It totally surprised her and brought her to tears as well. It's a transformation because I am a completely different person than who I was before. contents THE VALUE OF MONEY Out of curiosity, you may google: "How much does it cost to book John Doe or Jane Doe", replacing John Doe or Jane Doe with your favorite politically, socially, or environmental active celebrity. The amounts that google will return are astonishing. Just to be clear, there is nothing wrong with talented celebrities charging a lot of money for the superb art, entertainment, and escape from reality they provide. An example of music artistry in its raw form can be seen in a performance by Alkinoos, Haroula, and Sokratis. See also the group behind the scenes. See also Crazy and unhinged (treli kai adespoti) by Nikos Papazoglou. This song was sung at midnight. Have you seen a more handsome person than the tambourine man? The male dancer clearly had a few retsinas. The nice female dancer is teaching him onstage how to dance (he is probably a tourist.) The Greek word "lygmos" (emphasis on the "o") describes the sudden contraction of the chest or larynx during intense and long-lasting crying. Ugly crying consists of a sequence of lygmos. Nikos' unique singing style employs intentionally or naturally lygmos as an emotionally undertone (see 00:10 of the aforementioned video). Nikos and I grew up in the same lower/middle class yet intellectually vibrant neighborhood that was home to a disproportionate number of poets, writers, and musicians. Like me, he was the son of refugees. Nikos died at the age of sixty-three from the dark illness. The surname Papazoglou is composed of "Papas" (priest) and "oglou" ("son of" in Turkish). For convenience, the 's' became a 'z'. A similar name belongs to my dear childhood friend and brilliant scientist Vasilis Bontozoglou. My mom's family were refugees from Asia Minor (part of today's Turkey.) They were extremely poor but extremely kind and civilized. They arrived in Thessaloniki by boat when the Turks took over Asia Minor. The silver lining is that the refugees brought with them a refined behavioral and intellectual culture. I have a soft spot in my heart for migrant workers and refugees. contents ESCAPE FROM REALITY To witness escape from reality, you can watch a video of Chester Bedington of Linkin Park jumping off a concert stage to sing next to a wheelchair bound beautiful young woman from New Jersey named Megan McTigue, while holding her hand. At the end of the song, Chester kisses her hand. Megan sadly has since passed away. Chester did not survive his daemons. In an interview, he said that the space between his ears is a dangerous place to be. Mike Shinoda said that Chester's worst quality is (was) that he just cares (cared) too much. Like Robin Williams and others, Chester knew the meaning of suffering and did not want others to experience it. Fly high in heaven Robin and Chester. Most people know the meaning of personal or existential suffering, even though they carefully guard it. contents HAVES AND HAVE NOTS There is a paradox regarding the haves and the have nots. I heard two unrelated foreign artists describe the following with astonishment: "I have never been in New York, but I was told that you can walk out of your hotel and see homeless people on the sidewalk". The paradox is that we have been conditioned to accept, as a fact of life, that there is nothing wrong that haves and have nots can coexist alongside. Don't get me wrong, it would be okay if the rich and the poor lived alongside without pride and prejudice. However, there is something wrong regarding the rich walking over the destitute. Intelligent homeless people live on sidewalks, under bridges, or in their cars unassisted by a safety net. It falls on the shoulders of good Samaritans to provide assistance. I would happily pay twice or thrice the amount of taxes I pay to provide structured assistance. What is wrong with paying substantial tax according to your income? How much money is enough? What is the point of driving an expensive car and stashing away wealth while you neighbors live paycheck to paycheck and drive cars that may be repossessed? The truth is the happiest people I met are either poor or they do not worry about becoming rich. Never mind the socioeconomic surveys. contents MY IQ To test my cognitive state at my old age, I took an online IQ test and scored 136. It was late at night, I was tired, and I skipped a few questions out of boredom. Had I answered those questions, I would have entered the category of highly gifted. To confirm that this was not a fluke, I took another IQ test, answered all questions, and was given a score of 150. This classifies me as exceptionally gifted. What does that mean? I know that:
ONE-TRICK PONY
She was one of the most intelligent, beautiful,
and charming young women in graduate school
in Urbana--Champaign
She rode motorcycles
but did not make a big deal of it
She gave me a big smile when she saw that
I carry peanuts and other snacks in my pocket
to get me through the day
A childhood habit
She gave me a Valentine's card
to distract me from my loneliness
in Rochester, New York
Then she got embarrassed
and quickly left my office
Such a sweet girl
Fly high in heaven my beautiful friend.
contents
KARMA
The notion of bad karma lies in the belief
that everyone is held accountable for their wrongdoing:
instantly, imminently, after a sufficient amount of time,
or in the afterlife (instant vs delayed karma.)
In his book "Lead the Field",
Earl Nightingale writes:
"Every time a person does something dishonest,
he is in effect tossing a boomerang.
How far out it will travel, no one knows.
How great or how small a circle it will traverse,
only time will tell.
But it will, eventually it must,
finally come swift and unseen around behind
that person and deliver its never-failing
and painful blow to the back of his neck."
Karma is not meant to be punitive.
Instead, it operates in lieu of a natural law,
like Newton's law of motion,
Heissenberg's uncertainty principle,
and, most important,
the laws of probability and Bayesian statistics.
Bayesian statistics tells us
that if you mistreat or lie to a person,
you are much more likely to mistreat
or lie to the same person again or another person.
It is a slippery slope.
You are wasting your time if you wish
karma on someone.
Wishful thinking cannot interfere
with universal, physical, mathematical, and statistical laws.
You cannot wish electromagnetic induction away.
People who perform karma-inducing acts
are typically selfish, short-sighted, and reckless.
Like psychopaths, narcisists, and cluster-b sufferers,
they act with no regard to the harm they cause.
Most important, the are oblivious
to the long-term consequences
of their actions on themselves.
You see daily in the news how selfish and reckless behavior
eventually catches up with those who indulge in it.
Be careful:
For the reasons stated below,
karma is especially relevant to those
who choose to inflict suffering onto others.
In today's Western world, the notion of karma is of grave concern
to those who subscribe to the
YOLO (You Only Live Once) lifestyle,
to those who seek happiness and gratification
actively in their lives,
and to those who use and discard others.
It is wrong to be loyal to your desires and feelings alone.
To be happy should be a consequence, not a goal.
There are several non-mutually exclusive
ways by which karma is mediated:
In Theo Angelopoulos' movie
Landscape in the mist,
a young girl (Voula) and her little brother (Alexandros)
run away to find their father
who lives in Germany
according to their mother.
Their journey involves a sequence
of surreal and heart wrenching events
that eventually
lead them across the northern border of Greece
to be received by a beautiful tree in the mist
which they embrace.
Bless your heart
Bruce Springsteen
for a beautiful song.
The lifted hand at 2:50 without an index finger
was filmed
in Thessaloniki.
Needless to say,
the movie is an allegory
of a common person's life journey.
For a common person,
the journal involves a sequence
of surreal and heart wrenching events
such as deceit, abuse, exploitation and rape,
interrupted by small intervals of joy.
The journey typically ends in a way
that does not meet the initial goals,
but this does not matter.
Nobody's goals are met in their entirety,
and in many cases it turns out that the
initial goals were not worth pursuing in hindsight.
Zorba dismisses and celebrates his failures
as a coping mechanism.
In "These days",
a teen-aged Jackson Browne sings:
"Please don't confront me with my failures,
I haven't forgotten them."
Miley Cyrus
has recorded a beautiful rendition of this song.
Welcome to Holland
by Emily Perl Kingsley.
contents
UNIVERSAL HUMAN TRAITS
Unless you live in the dark ages,
you must have accepted by now that humans
are animals with some advanced biological hardware
and a buggy embedded software in the brain.
The brain itself is a receptor hosting
a Universal soul.
Other receptors of a certain Universal soul are possible,
which explains the concept of parallel universes
and parallel lives.
I have done a fair amount of reading and saw
that scholars and non-scholars like to prepare
lists universal human traits.
Examples include family, curiosity, love, memory, and others.
I have gone over multiple such lists and was surprised
that I could easily dismiss almost all enumerated items
in each list.
For example, it is trivial to prove that
not all humans have capacity for love and affection.
A lot of people are hardwired to exhibit compassion,
but a lot of other people are incapable of exhibiting compassion.
Instead, naturally or by self-training,
they like to optimize their benefits in real time
with no regard to consequences on others.
In fact, only those who have studied zoology are
in a position to provide a list of universal human traits
by comparison to those of animals.
I believe that the single universal human trait is
related to trauma response to anger and fear,
which can be fight, flight, freeze, of fawn (4F).
Every person on earth, without exception,
responds to anger and fear by one of the 4F.
I know I do.
A while ago, a brilliant friend of mine mentioned
that primitive humans were cruel and only became "nice"
when they realized they can get more benefits
by appearing to be benign.
I believe that my friend was absolutely correct.
contents
RICHARD BRAUTIGAN
Richard Brautigan
is one of the most interesting
American writers and
a genuine American treasure.
He grew up in abject poverty
in a broken home
and lived a tormented life
riddled with mental illness,
not unlike that suffered by
Robert M. Pirsig,
the author of my all-time favorite book
"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance".
In the end, Brautigan surrendered to his daemons.
I studied Pirsig's Zen book multiple times
at different stages of my life.
Each time, I uncovered new insights
and confirmed preconceived ideas.
Everyone knows what is right
and what is wrong:
"And what is good, Phaedrus,
And what is not good --
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?
"
It is natural to attempt to classify Pirsig's book
in a genre. The brilliance of Pirsig's writing
is that it cannot be classified in a genre.
One spends much more time thinking about
what was said in a paragraph than reading the lines.
I used to religiously visit my local bookstore
wherever I happened to live.
One time, I randomly picked up Brautigan's book
"Trout Fishing in America "
at a stage where mastery of the English language
was not my forte.
However, I was able to sense that the book
was an important literary piece that
I was neither able nor ready to appreciate at the time.
I spent many years bringing myself to a state
where I could appreciate this book
and some others.
My favorite Brautigan poem is entitled:
"At the California Institute of Technology"
I don't care how God-damn smart
these guys are: I'm bored.
It's been raining like hell all day long
and there's nothing to do.
He wrote this poem when he was a CalTech resident poet:
I think my dear friend's Jeffrey Davis
brilliant graduate adviser
Sandra Troian would agree with the essence of the poem.
Fly high in heaven brilliant Jeff.
In the interest of full disclosure,
I interviewed for a faculty position
at Caltech fresh out of graduate school
and was unceremoniously rejected.
Being naive, I handled the interview poorly.
When I was asked why I studied the problem
described in my thesis, I replied
that I found it intellectually stimulating.
I am writing this with no trace of bitterness.
I would have rejected myself if I was the interviewer.
You have to choose where you want to go
and understand the rules of the path
you want to take.
If you are not prepared to follow the rules,
you'd better back out.
I fondly remember Sandra visiting my office
in San Diego and complimenting my very first book,
which meant a great deal to me as a young professor.
Nearly thirty years later, the book is still in print
and in moderate demand by readers.
contents
NEIL YOUNG
I recently had to start my Massey Ferguson tractor
to put away some fell trees.
When I turned the ignition key,
I heard a loud persistent beep,
though the engine would start
and the tractor would operate
without any sign of trouble.
However, the "overheat" light was illuminated
on the dashboard.
The most logical conclusion is that
the temperature sensor went bad.
When I opened the hood,
I saw that the
sensor was fine,
but a naughty mouse chewed up and cut the two electrical
wires connected to the sensor.
The wires are bundled in an electrical harness
which costs well over $1,000 to purchase
when it is not out of stock
and a huge amount of money to install.
I suspect that, in order to install the harness,
one needs to disassemble the engine
and possibly split the tractor.
The mouse cut the electrical wires a quarter
of an inch above the sensor,
which made splicing impossible.
In an act of desperation, I carefully stripped
the two ends
of each cut wire by a short length
using a razor blade which I affectionately called the
Massey--Ferguson--Occam razor.
I then bent the two exposed wires,
looped them over a tiny length,
and connected them by a bridge wire.
All of this was done under duress
and in severe back and sciatica pain.
The temperature sensor is located above the alternator and screws into the engine block. A push-pull electrical connector fits at the top of the sensor. The green wire is the bridge wire I installed.This crude repair method worked! The tractor started without a beeping noise and has been operating normally for a couple of months. It even went through two emission regeneration cycles wihout a hitch. In this adventure, I was fortunate enough to correct the problem by one fix. If I had performed two fixes, I would be in doubt which was the critical fix. If I wanted to investigate whether a mouse was the culprit indeed, I would have scrutinize the liability of squirels and leprechauns. I see the latter running around the farm but pretend I do not notice. To make sure I did not miss something obvious, like leprechauns taking naps on the engine block, I called Dealer Eckroth, spoke to an extremely helpful technician, and was told that what I did was perfectly fine. Bless your heart helpful technician. Afterwards, it occurred to me that the way I approached this problem is exactly what was advocated by Pirsig as best practice for motorcycle maintenance in contrast to a couple of his friends who immediately resort to a mechanic at the first sign of motorcycle malfunctioning. Instead, Pirsig diagnoses the problem by logical exclusion and then fixes the problem with whatever means is available at the time. In my case, the means were Occam's razor and a spare piece of bridge wire. Astronauts performing equipment research in space have to be Pirsig disciples. Because running to a Dealer costs a lot of money and downtime measured in months, farmers do their own Zen-like equipment repairs as a way of life. Neil Young wrote a wonderful song entitled "Old Man" for an old ranch keeper and his wife Phaedra: "Old man, take a look at my life, I'm a lot like you I need someone to love me the whole day through Ah, one look in my eyes and you can tell that's true" In the song, video, Victor de Castro Monteiro makes a comment: "I'm going through very difficult days. I feel lost and alone. I've been crying a lot these days. This song is helping me get through this." Comments like this break my heart and reduce me to tears. I would have liked to be able to ask Jesus why there is so much suffering in this world? I am not interested in answers returned by religious leaders and makeshift Christians. Farmers and other mechanics are the ultimate Buddhists: "The only Zen that you can find at the tops of mountains is the Zen that you bring there." The only Zen that you find in a Massey--Ferguson tractor is the Zen that you bring with a razor blade and a small bridge wire. Zen followers have it right: Bad things will happen to you, find a way to deal with them, you can only control your response. contents JEFF BEZOS AND MACKENZIE SCOTT When I arrived in America as a graduate student, I spent a lot of time at the University bookstore and the library. Having access to both was one of the greatest gifts that anybody could give me. When I became a professor, in the pre-Internet era, I reserved my Friday afternoons for visits to the San Diego Geisel library. It is puzzling that not once did I see one of my colleagues visiting the library. It has always been a mystery to me how they were able to keep up with the literature in the pre-Internet era. My colleagues were first-rate scientists, no slackers by any means. There must have been something I had missed. I enjoyed collecting and reading books. As the Internet was being developed, I had this idea: I will write descriptions and comments for each one of the books I own, and post them on my web site for others to read. This is indeed what I did, having no clue that Jeff Bezos and MacKenzie Scott would beat me to it. Bless your hearts Jeff Bezos and MacKenzie Scott, I admire you both and I hope you live long and happy lifes. Amazon was a literal life-saver during the pandemic. I regularly order from Amazon tractor parts for the John Deeres. This was not the only time I missed the boat. Another time was when I wrote one math paper proposing a certain computational method. I decided to write no other follow up papers so that I do not waste my precious time on earth. Another colleague developed essentially the same method and then published a few hundred papers on applications of the method. After a while, I got tired of being asked to peer-review my colleague's papers pre-publication and I started sending standard declines. It was exasperating that each manuscript had the same set of errors (probably typographical) in key equations: pitfalls of cut and paste. A friend I admire is a retired Professor of History. She once told me that she regrets spending her life studying frivolous subjects that will make no impact to the world. As it turns out, I have ended up feeling the same way about parts of my own scientific work. However, each on of my published books are noteworthy and useful pieces of work, well worth their price. I don't regret the many years I have spent writing them. I now wonder if other scholars and scientists have felt the same way about their work behind closed doors. Grigori probably did. Some successful tenured professors quit their jobs for no clear reason. In an interview, Neil Young (or was it James Taylor) was asked to respond to the criticism that all of his songs sound alike (they do not.) Neil Young replied that the criticism is probably correct (it is not.) An arbitrary person would get on the defensive and start arguing with the interviewer. Neil Young and James Taylor are not arbitrary men. James Taylor sings: Won't you look down upon me, Jesus? You gotta help me make a stand You've just got to see me through another day My body's aching and my time is at hand And I won't make it any other way" I heard an interview by Dolly Parton on National Public Radio a while ago, where the interviewer was trying to get the young artist to say that her music was driven by intellectual pursuits. Dolly Parton repeatedly contradicted the interviewer and stated that her motivation was attention, glamor and fame. This did not sit well with the interviewer. Bless your heart Dolly Parton, you are as talented, charming and authentic as they come. contents ELDER PAISIOS A story of St. Paisios, translated by John Sanidopoulos: Once on Mount Athos there was a monk who lived in Karyes. He drank and got drunk every day and was the cause of scandal to the pilgrims. Eventually he died and this relieved some of the faithful who went on to tell Elder Paisios that they were delighted that this huge problem was finally solved. Father Paisios answered them that he knew about the death of the monk, after seeing the entire battalion of angels who came to collect his soul. The pilgrims were amazed and some protested and tried to explain to the Elder of whom they were talking about, thinking that the Elder did not understand. Elder Paisios explained to them: "This particular monk was born in Asia Minor, shortly before the destruction by the Turks when they gathered all the boys. So as not to take him from their parents, they would take him with them to the reaping, and so he wouldn't cry, they just put raki (alcoholic beverage) into his milk in order for him to sleep. Therefore he grew up as an alcoholic. There he found an elder and said to him that he was an alcoholic. The elder told him to do prostration and prayers every night and beg Panagia to help him reduce one by one the glasses he drank. Without knowing what each one of us is trying to do what one needs to achieve, what right do we have to judge their effort?" contents THIS WILL NEVER HAPPEN TO ME Think again. Live your life and conduct yourself as though anything can happen to you or someone else at any time. From getting seriously sick, to getting unloved, to causing serious emotional or physical harm, to getting arrested, to getting unalived. contents CAN THEY ALL BE WRONG? They certainly can.